Why Is It So Hard to Start Losing Weight, Even When You Want To?

Wanting to change and actually starting are two different things, and research has a name for the space between them: the intention-behavior gap (some people call it the intention-action gap). Knowing you want to lose weight doesn't mean you'll follow through. The longer you put off the first step, the easier it is to slide back into the habits you already have. What usually helps most is a small, specific first step, taken while the idea's hot, rather than more willpower.

If you've been "about to start" for a while, that's normal. No shame, no guilt. Here's what's going on, and what to do about it.

A conversation at my gym

I was talking with a guy at my gym recently who wants to get healthier. He told me he'd make the call in about a week.

I didn't sugarcoat it. I told him what the research shows: knowing you want to make a positive change doesn't mean you're going to follow through. The longer you postpone, the easier it becomes to fall back into your routine. So I basically told him, get on it. Don't postpone. Do it while the idea's hot.

He really appreciated that. He felt my concern and my support. He told me that's the kind of people he wants in his life: people who genuinely want to support him, and who care.

When I shared this story with a friend, he put it well. We can live floaty in our brains for our entire lives until someone we trust helps us check ourselves. Sometimes the kindest thing a coach can do is be real with you.

What does the research say about the intention-behavior gap?

Good intentions predict what we do, but not nearly as well as we'd hope. A large review of intention research found that the gap comes mostly from people who mean to act and then don't. Across the studies it looked at, a median of 47% of people who intended to do a health behavior didn't follow through [1].

Exercise looks about the same. A 2013 meta-analysis of 10 studies and 3,899 people found that close to half of the people who intended to get the recommended amount of physical activity didn't actually do it [2].

Even boosting motivation only goes so far. When researchers pulled together 47 experiments that successfully made people more motivated, a medium-to-large jump in intention led to only a small-to-medium change in what people actually did [3].

My honest take: this is why "I really want it this time" so often isn't enough. Wanting it is a good first step, but you also need a plan for when and how you'll act [4].

Why does waiting make it harder?

Every day you wait is one more day of practicing your old routine. A research review on this gap points out that the longer the time between forming an intention and acting on it, the less likely people are to follow through [5]. Life gets busy, you forget, and the moment passes.

Weight loss has an extra challenge, because appetite is a beast. Your existing habits pay you right now, with comfort, taste and relief. The new habits pay you later, in energy, how your clothes fit and how you feel. When you keep choosing the comfort and reward of the old habit, you never change the habit. You never take the first step.

There's research on that "now versus later" pull too. A meta-analysis of 39 studies and more than 10,000 people found that people with obesity tend, on average, to discount future rewards more steeply, meaning a reward right now feels worth more compared with a bigger one later [6]. That's a link, not proof that it causes weight gain, and it says nothing about anyone's character. It just shows how strong the pull of "right now" can be.

That's why I tell people you have to kind of trick your brain into going into action. Don't let overthinking become another reason to delay. Sometimes just taking the first step creates the momentum.

What actually closes the gap?

The best-studied tool is called an implementation intention: a plan that says exactly when, where and how you'll act. It sounds like "When X happens, I will do Y."

In a meta-analysis of 94 tests with 8,461 people, adding an if-then plan to a goal had a medium-to-large effect on actually reaching it [5]. These plans helped people remember to act, catch the right moment, and get past that first "I don't feel like it" [5].

One example from the research: women who wrote down when and where they'd make an appointment for cancer screening attended at a rate of 92%, compared with 69% of those who didn't [1].

It works for food, too. A review of 23 studies found if-then plans helped people add healthy foods to their diet, and helped somewhat less with cutting out unhealthy ones [7]. That's good news, because adding is how we start in my program.

The plan has to be specific, though. Researchers point out that a plan like "eat healthy tomorrow" is about as useful as no plan at all [5]. "When I get home from work, I'll cook the vegetables I prepped Sunday" is a real plan.

I think of it like packing your lunch the night before. You make the decision once, ahead of time, so you don't have to win the argument with yourself when you're hungry and tired.

How long until the new habit feels automatic?

Longer than a few days, and that's normal. In a study where 96 volunteers repeated one eating, drinking or exercise habit daily, the median time to reach peak automaticity was 66 days, with a huge range of 18 to 254 days [8].

The best part of that study: missing one day didn't meaningfully set people back [8]. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to come back to it.

Your game plan

1. Pick the smallest first step. Not "lose 30 pounds." Something you can do today: buy vegetables for tomorrow, put a water bottle on your desk, or book the call.
2. Write it as "When X, I will Y." For example: "When I finish dinner tonight, I'll text my coach." Or: "When I get to my car after the gym, I'll book the call."
3. Do it within 24 hours. The longer you wait, the easier it is to slip back into your old routine [5]. Do it while the idea's hot.
4. Plan for the hard moment. "When I'm hungry at 3 PM, I'll eat the fruit I packed." That's where if-then plans shine [5][7].
5. If you miss a day, start again the next one. One missed day doesn't erase your progress [8].

We do this because we love our bodies, not because we hate our bodies.

If you're ready to start

If you already know you want to feel better, don't let it sit for a week. The 8-Week Program gives you the plan one week at a time, so the next step is always clear.

Not sure if it's right for you? Book a free 15-minute call while the idea's hot. No pressure either way.

I've been coaching since 2001, and here's what I can tell you: the first step is usually smaller than you think.

Know someone who keeps saying "I'll start next week"? Send this their way.

Sources

1. Sheeran P. Intention-behavior relations: a conceptual and empirical review. European Review of Social Psychology. 2002;12(1):1-36. https://doi.org/10.1080/14792772143000003 (author manuscript: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Paschal-Sheeran/publication/279613604_Intention-Behavior_Relations_A_Conceptual_and_Empirical_Review/links/602acf014585158939a938d5/Intention-Behavior-Relations-A-Conceptual-and-Empirical-Review.pdf)
2. Rhodes RE, de Bruijn GJ. How big is the physical activity intention-behaviour gap? A meta-analysis using the action control framework. British Journal of Health Psychology. 2013;18(2):296-309. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23480428/
3. Webb TL, Sheeran P. Does changing behavioral intentions engender behavior change? A meta-analysis of the experimental evidence. Psychological Bulletin. 2006;132(2):249-268. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16536643/
4. Sheeran P, Webb TL. The intention-behavior gap. Social and Personality Psychology Compass. 2016;10(9):503-518. https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12265
5. Gollwitzer PM, Sheeran P. Implementation intentions and goal achievement: a meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology. 2006;38:69-119. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(06)38002-1 (open copy: https://kops.uni-konstanz.de/entities/publication/2e749bfb-8533-437c-8203-7e788c910c5f)
6. Amlung M, Petker T, Jackson J, Balodis I, MacKillop J. Steep discounting of delayed monetary and food rewards in obesity: a meta-analysis. Psychological Medicine. 2016;46(11):2423-2434. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27299672/
7. Adriaanse MA, Vinkers CD, De Ridder DT, Hox JJ, De Wit JB. Do implementation intentions help to eat a healthy diet? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the empirical evidence. Appetite. 2011;56(1):183-193. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21056605/
8. Lally P, van Jaarsveld CHM, Potts HWW, Wardle J. How are habits formed: modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology. 2010;40(6):998-1009. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674